I haven't had to work the past several days, time off earned for good behavior I think. Only now I've found myself at a crossroads. Tomorrow I must return to my job, walk up those steps into the hospital and ultimately into the ICU and I don't want to. See, I am afraid of what I will find when I get there.
We've dealt with death and comatose patients for the past 3 weeks. I've held wives and mothers in my arms while they've cried. I've touched the shoulders of fathers, brothers and commanding officers who stared with tear filled eyes at my patients.
Landstuhl has been holding patients. There was an outbreak of the swine flu in Germany so they put the aeorvacs on hold. Only the most gravely injured have reached us these past 2 weeks. Friday we only received two and they arrived late into the night, long after I had gone. Sunday I have no idea how many came in and I am clueless about those that will arrive tomorrow. Three times a week they come and I dread what I will find when I get there.
This started out as letters home to my friends and family while I was at Hurricane Katrina, and continued through my deployment to Afghanistan. I have recently added my friend Clara Hart as a contributor. Now it very roughly chronicles life as a civilian, and citizen of the USA. If you need some assistance with Workplace Safety Programs, please let me know, I am happy to help.
1 comment:
You would not be human if you did not feel and dread is more than just your hippocampus in overdrive. It's part of being human. In the past, you have spoken of the injured as heroes but lately you seem to be considering them victims. They are, of course, both. It's just easier to see the heroism when you don't think about why they are becoming casualties. And lately, the news isn't covering the heroism as much. The PBS News Hour still shows each of the deceased as soon as the name is released and a photo becomes available. The other news outlets have dropped the coverage. Most of us can ignore it. You can't.
You also sound depressed though I'm no expert in that area.
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