Sunday, September 28, 2008


Today my former life intrudes and memories of a different kind surface. There was a crash last night, a crash of a medevac helicopter with fatalities. This particular helicopter belonged to a program for which several of my friends fly for and I, myself had flown with part time. I spent several anxious moments making phone calls, sending out text messages and emails all hoping to learn the identity of the dead. In the end I found out my friends were safe and I'm ashamed to admit I'm glad it was no one I knew.

Somehow though even that knowledge didn't stop old sorrow from resurfacing as the deja vu overwhelmed me. Years past when I was a full time medevac helicopter flight nurse the program for which I worked had a fatal crash. It took the life of a Marine pilot who was my friend. He chose to fly EMS missions when he left the Marine Corps and he was good at it. He cared about those of us who made up his flight crew and he could always make us laugh during the most trying of flights.

When you are touched by a fatality of this kind you are brought to the stark realization that the job you do can kill you. In the weeks that past I felt as if I had joined an unwanted club. The club of the flight programs that had a fatal crash. The club that brings with it questions and speculations that will most likely never be answered. The club of those greiving for coworkers who were as close as family. For days after our crash each time I climbed into the aircarft I wondered if I would climb back out; whole, intact and safe.

We used to joke that a "good landing" was any landing you walked away from, no matter how bad. My Marine buddy didn't walk away and now neither did the crew who devoted their lives to helping others.

May God bless their families and friends and give them peace. May He strenghten and comfort them today and in the days ahead.

Godspeed crew of Trooper 2.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

September 2008

The seven year anniversary of 9/11 is a day I believe I will always remember as the day the world changed, the day that I knew our 11 and 14 year old children would grow up in a much different world than I had and is a day where much is made of the heroism and tragedy that was experienced or exhibited in our country. I try not to dwell on the tragedy, and I have succeeded in not hating the people who wrought such a change in our world. However, neither do I forgive them, and I believe they should get the opportunity to meet their maker sooner rather than later. That said, September has other meanings and I am going to share a couple of them.

My Grandmother, Mother and Wife all have birthdays in September, one right after the other three days in a row. Go figure that out, Stephanie's boy friend, was born on 9/11, and September is the month that my wife and I decided to celebrate our 10 year anniversary, which took place while I was again gone from the family supporting the National Guard, a chore which I volunteer for, and which has had its costs as well as its rewards.

So... .Let me tell you about Hawaii, Lahiana to be specific on the lovely island of Maui. The surf constantly works the beach, not in a damaging way, but clearly in a way that does not allow you to forget it is there. My folks have a time share.... I like it. Taff and I stopped an purchased some food and wine, and have been having a grand time in Kahana. Snorkeling with turtles, watching dolphins race the boat, and generally fully enjoying our time together celebrating our tenth anniversary. We still have planned a Luau, and a Circ de Solei show shown on the island. The time change is humorous, we are ready for bed at 8 pm and I wakey wakey sometime approaching 4 am. Still and all a fantastic time.

Next time I will post some of the pictures if I can or maybe just what the ocean sounds like here.. Trust me it is relaxing.

Okay.. All my best to those that read this.


Thursday, September 11, 2008

Today's Goal

I have one goal today; to make it through this day. I slept until 0905 then the puppy forced me up and out of my slumber. After the required potty break I loaded her in the car and headed off for pancakes. I promised myself if I woke early enough I would go out for breakfast especially since I know that's the only way I'll eat today.

That accomplished I sat down to check my email and the tears started flowing. Emails from friends with me this day 7 years ago, all of us connected by tragedy, disaster and loss. The newspaper assails me with saddness. The web pages prey on my emotions. As hard as I try, avoidance mode in full throttle I can not escape. It will hit me suddenly and I'll shatter. Tears welling up in my eyes.

Hair in a ponytail, cosmetics nonexistent I will spend this day quietly, more than likely alone as to be with anyone would take more energy than I have.

It's 1045 and I'm left wondering how to make it through the remaining hours of this day known at September 11th.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Lighthearted Moments

Somehow, not exactly sure how but I have managed 5 whole days in a row OFF! What a luxury! 5 whole days and time to actually rest, relax and rejuvinate. Oh wait. . . .there were those moments of extreme stress when I realized my puppy had seriously evicerated my sunglasses. I carried the managled parts into the optometrist and said "please, I need new ones". Damn dog. . . .

I've spent part of my free time training for the Army 10 miler to be held on Oct 5th. I'll be running with one of my former amputee patients. This will make my 4th year in a row running with a former patient. I want everyone to realize there is no way in hell I would do this on my own. Nah uh, no way jose, forget about it! But. . . . . the guys ask and I can never say "no" so once June comes around I put my 40 something body back into training mode. . . .ugh! Maybe next year I won't have to run. . . . .

Other spare moments have been occupied with planning my vacation. Acquiring airline reservations, car rentals and lodging has me anxiously awaiting the day I can vamoose! Anyone in Boston or Maine? Want to meet up? ;-)

Ok, the puppy has gotten far too quiet so I need to go investigate. I still have one more day left before returning to work. . . . I think I'll head to the beach. . . unless the puppy has now consumed my car keys!

Hey blog buddy Keith! Answer your email. I gotta know if you're going to the box again. See what extreme measures I take to "talk" to you??? I mean, I gotta plan, care packages take time! :-D