I can't even describe how tired I am. Tired after 4 days off. Tired because tomorrow I will get up far too early and return to hell. The days are running together and I can't remember a time when our patients weren't horrifically sick and dying left and right. I walk into work and at least one patient is mortally ill and not expected to recover. A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post on the Sandbox talking about one of those situations. It was truly "rip your heart out" devastating. AND the sad thing about it is that no one offered to help the staff. Nice.
I've wanted to write, to vent, but everytime I sit down to regurgitate this stuff I can't. It's too much of an effort to put words to these emotions. I feel as if I've lost one of my most valuable outlets for these work stressors. Last week I started having nightmares of disasters and dead bodies laying everywhere. This week isolation is the name of game and I don't talk to anyone. Mental health red flags waving I call the shrink and make an appointment.
It often seems when I am ready to talk there's no one to listen. When I need a shoulder to cry on or a hug everyone is busy doing other things. I'm tired and I wish every once in awhile someone was there for me.
This started out as letters home to my friends and family while I was at Hurricane Katrina, and continued through my deployment to Afghanistan. I have recently added my friend Clara Hart as a contributor. Now it very roughly chronicles life as a civilian, and citizen of the USA. If you need some assistance with Workplace Safety Programs, please let me know, I am happy to help.
1 comment:
Feel free to speak. There are no judges here. There is a group called "community of veterans". These are men and women who have "been there and done that" who offer support.
Might I also recommend that, if it is truly difficult and you feel like you need to talk immediately, please go to Military One Source for information or call 1-800-342-9647.
They can hook you up with six free counseling sessions immediately, no info on the record at that point, and can help you to get a quicker response if necessary. They will talk to you on the phone, email, or set you up with a one on one.
Another resource may be your local Vietnam Veterans Association, if you are stateside. They are men who are willing to listen.
Most importantly, I hope you feel free to say whatever and not be judged and know that you are not alone.
Yours,
Kat
thedonovan.com
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