I really am beginning to believe that old cliche "A good man is hard to find". In the past month I've had the opportunity to spend time with a couple of fascinating men who repeatedly tell me they "enjoy my company" or "I had such a good time with you, we'll go out again" or even "I'd like to see you again". Only to have them disappear off the face of the earth never to be heard from again. I don't get it! Be honest with me, I'm a big girl, I'm not going to get hysterical at the thought you might only want to "be friends".
And then to add insult to injury in trying to be a patient and family advocate the civilian RN in me inadvertently pissed off a military RN. Ohhh boy! Let me tell ya! That was bad news! You'd think we did the job we do to help people but NOPE, that is not the case as was clearly evident by the military nurse's attitude and complaints. I'm thinking she doesn't know what the word "compassionate" means. Needless to say Clara is now in a time out.
So in the past couple of weeks I've had my prfessional integrity questioned and my personal attractibility (is that even a word??) devalued. Nothing like feeling worthless both professionally and personally.
I think I hear the beach calling my name. . . .waves crashing on the shore, warm weather and sunny skies. . . .ocean therapy. . . oh where are you??
This started out as letters home to my friends and family while I was at Hurricane Katrina, and continued through my deployment to Afghanistan. I have recently added my friend Clara Hart as a contributor. Now it very roughly chronicles life as a civilian, and citizen of the USA. If you need some assistance with Workplace Safety Programs, please let me know, I am happy to help.
2 comments:
Miss Clara, I have a feeling that you would be a handful for someone who already knows how to relate to strong, competent women and isn't threatened by people like you. It sounds like you're finding people who are frightened by your passion and intensity of feeling for what you do and may be afraid that they won't ever be able to rise to the level at which you operate. Needless to say, they don't hang around very long.
As for questioning your integrity, you are the best judge of that. I rather doubt that you are questioning it yourself. It sounds more like you're wondering if the good you do isn't being outweighed by the crap you have to wade through along the way. Once more, only you can be the judge of that. We who can only appreciate you vicariously can do more than say we support you and wish we could magically provide you with something to fill at least one of your empty spots.
One thing I have learned in my life (I think I am older but share the same profession) is that you are never good enough or competent enought for someone out there. Also you will always intimidate someone with your strength. The older you get the harder it is. It seems as if men are attracted by the strength but become spooked by it as they draw closer. ??? Never could figure out why. When I finally found a man that could take it all, he developed ALS and died after 22 too short years of marriage. So I sit and learn to enjoy my own company. Good luck with your future. It is always changing and new
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